I've been debating on making a website like this for a while, and tonight I finally caved. Every other time I had even considered the possibility of putting it together it was during a fit of rage or sadness, extreme emotions that caused me to think irrationally. Right now though, I'm okay, and I think it's time that it comes to light. I hardly ever talk about things with those close to me. The truth is I don't care. I can understand that in the worst case scenario this is nothing more than fuel to the fire. That I never will get the help I so badly desire and this means nothing.
Her cat died tonight. He didn't know she was hiding in the dryer.
I fucking hate youuuuuu!! You mean so much to me but I've had my chance, twice now I've had the chance to keep you and both times I ruined it. I'm just scared that you're the wrong descision, that theres some price to pay if I choose you. But you look so pretty and you love me unconditionally, no matter what I do you say sorry and you tell me you love me. I'm the one who's sorry. Sorry for ending it, for refusing you. Thank you for letting me stick around. I'm obsessed with you. Look, it's our song. ♡
I don't want anything to happen to us, you're my best friend. You are all I have. I don't think you really understand how much I care about you. Typing it out is going to make me feel differently and I understand that, so I can't do it. But you have to know that you mean absolutely everything to me. Without you I'd be nothing, you've shaped me as I've shaped you. This is nothing more than an overreaction on my part though I can't help but feel as if it is also a sign. We both know what season is coming up, but I don't think you know how badly I cannot stand your friends. So much that I don't want to talk about them here, I don't want you to ever know how I feel about you. How jealous I am when you talk to other people and let them obsess over you, when you say you enjoy the attention and act as if I can't give it to you. I don't ever want you to figure out how utterly infatuated I am with our friendship. It's terrifying, for both of us. I want it to pass. I'd give anything to not feel emotions as strong as I do. I wont mess this up.
This site has a way of bringing me back to reality. I'll type a paragraph, post it, delete it, and usually come back a week later with something new to say. I appreciate that, it's extremely grounding.